i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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