Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
