Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
