we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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