Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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