Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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