Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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