I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
