I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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