Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
