Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
