I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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