I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
