i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
