his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My ass is underappreciated
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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