Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
