i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
