This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
