yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
