I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
