did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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