oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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