Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Never underestimate the power of titties
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
