my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
