The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
