Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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