you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
