You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
