This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
