I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
