we made out on top of his cat.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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