so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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