my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
