I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just want to make out with him forever
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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