he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
