Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
