I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
