I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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