he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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