i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Let's paint friendship bongs
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
