There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
