you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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