she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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