He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
