He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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