so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
