its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
