not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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