She tied me up with her honor cords...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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