Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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