Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
