Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have fence marks all over my body
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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