New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
