Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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