Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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