Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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