Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
