I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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