you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My ass is underappreciated
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
