She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
