i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
