Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
