Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
